No. 37 - 13 (2010) 47 of 100

 

Here’s an awful American remake of the European film ‘13 Tzameti’ which I saw a long time ago and enjoyed. The original was a black and white effort set in Eastern Europe. In that the murder game being played looked horribly realistic and possible. In this remake version you get Jason Statham and 50 Cent going through the motions in a ridiculous offering which is believable as a politician's promise.

Our hero is Vince (Sam Reily) a doe eyed electrician whose Dad is in the hospital. They have mortgaged the house for his treatment but a further operation is needed. Vince works as an electrician and whilst at a client’s house he overhears a conversation about a big job. This job is seemingly lucrative, but dangerous too. The client talks loudly about the secret scheme and has a bright coloured envelope with a sinister spider motif which was clearly designed so as not to attract attention.

The client, for unspecified reasons, immediately dies of a drug overdose and Vince grabs the envelope – well it looks like he’s not getting paid for his work, so fair enough. The letter gives directions which lead Vince to a remote mansion. This is seemingly a home for bad actors as there are dozens of them in attendance.

Vince has number 13 allocated to him and given a numbered uniform to wear. Similarly attired men troop into a room where they are met with a load of gamblers including Statham and 50 Cent. Our friend Michael Shannon appears as a ringmaster of sorts and directs the men to stand in a circle. They are each given a gun and one bullet and instructed to fire when a bulb lights up. Most do and some fall dead. Vince gets a telling off for not firing his round but when he does, the hammer falls on an empty chamber.

The players head off to relax and we get back stories to some of them told in flashback, such as Mickey Rourke getting out of jail and Ray Winstone getting out of an asylum. The players reconvene and this time it’s two bullets in the guns and later three. When there are only five players left, lots are drawn and two shoot off in a duel to determine the winner. Of course it’s Vince who is called up and he has to face off Winstone who has won his last three duels. I’m not sure how you can be good at Russian Roulette – it’s like saying you're good at raffles.

I won’t spoil the outcome but money is paid, lost and found again before a final bloody climax.

This was a horrible and awful film with no redeeming features. It was thin on plot and characterisation and all the famous faces just made it seem more daft. A black and white Easter European film displays some menace – 50 Cent mumbling away just seems ridiculous. I’m not sure what the motivations were here, with it all being about the gambling – couldn’t they just roll dice and not have to worry about the law? No body seemed to be getting off on the killing spectacle and the rules made no sense either. At one point Vince gets told off for not firing his gun, but later he’s told he’s lucky as an opponent failed to fire his when a bullet was in the chamber?

Statham’s character was the worst. I’m not clear why he kept Winstone in the fights if he was so emotionally attached to his brother. It also beggared belief that he’d go looking for revenge when it was he who entered him in the contest in the first place!

The police were so ineffective they have been better employing the Keystone Cops. They are hot on the trail and then one car switch later they've lost their lead. Why not look for the big mansion with 50 cars parked in front of it?

The game itself was dull and the direction confusing. There were a number of bangs and you had no idea who’d been shot until the dust settled. A bit of variety would have been better too, but this wasn’t so much ‘Squid Game’ as 'Five Quid Game’.

Shannon has a decent part but it was clearly a 'for the pay check' performance. He yelled a bit in his suit but essentially was reduced to shouting out the rules a lot. He has no development at all and was just a ringmaster for the grubby events he oversaw.

A total mess and embarrassment for all involved.

When is Shannon-On? - 26.05

Outcome? Probably still telling folk to ‘spin your barrels’

Film 1/5

Shannon Stars 1.5/5